I am writing today to ask for your prayers for me. I am feeling weak and pray to God to give me strength. I was so worried about that blood test yesterday that I was not thinking about beyond it. Now that that has gone well, I now have bigger things to worry me...the results...and the tests to come after that...and those results. I was so ready to have some answers that now that they are near, I don't feel quite so ready. I feel the stress permeating my body...just sort of worn down. I broke down a little to Martin last night, and he suggested that I re-read some of the words I've written in this blog...he says that he gets some of his strength from me. I still believe with all of my heart the things that I have written...Lydia is somebody special created perfectly by God...she is absolutely perfect no matter what any test result shows. I feel strongly about that. But, I've had this feeling lately that God is preparing me for death...songs on the radio...watching Audrey sing lullabies to Lydia, "Lydia, rest your head. Go to sleep." It has brought thoughts that I am not ready to have. I was talking to a friend on the phone the other night who asked if any of the possible syndromes/diseases could be life-threatening...I told him that one of the possible diseases can be fatal. Saying those words out loud really took a toll on me, I think. I have until now successfully taken one day at a time...not even thinking about what the future may hold. One quick scan on the Internet of the possible diseases that day in December is all I have done to research the possibilities. I've had a distinct feeling that it would not be good for me to know anything about that until I absolutely needed to. Since I feel that time getting closer, it is starting to invade my mind and my body. I want to get back to the place of no worry...I know that God is here to take my worries away. I pray for Him to help me to let them go. I am a better mommy and can enjoy all of my girls much better when I give my worries to God.
We expect the results of yesterday's test in a few days...possibly a week. Those results will not give us a diagnosis...they will only direct what the next test will be.
Thank you for your continued prayers.
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4 comments:
Mandy,
Mom gave me the web address to your blog around Christmas and I have been keeping up daily ever since. It seems like just yesterday we were all playing in the yard in Brusly!!!
All of us "Roussel" girls are inspired by your incredible journey with your girls and think you are an amazing mother! We are definitely praying for you and your family!!! Hang in there! God doesn't give you more than you can handle!
I am praying for your strength. Take this journey one step at a time. You are much stronger than you realize. With that said, fear is NOT a sign of weakness. You are only human! You guys have been through so much over these past few months. I will continue to pray that God eases your worries and fears.
Mandy,
Sometimes it is best not to do the research. I'm so thankful that I didn't with Clint. We took each day God gave us and made wonderful memories, which continue to carry me now. Make memories with your precious little girl and enjoy each and every moment. It is okay to be afraid, and we all sometimes wonder why. We don't know what God's plan is, we just have to have faith that he will guide us thru. I will continue to pray for you'all. You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. May God Bless and Keep You.
Cindy
Mandy,
David and I are keeping all of you in our thoughts and prayers. God has and will continue to give you strength. I admire you sooo much for being the awesome mom you are and sharing your daily updates with all of us. I hope you can feel all of our arms around you, that is what freinds are for. Hugs and kisses, Melissa & David Toups
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